


He was home

by SirensInTheDungeon



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky pines, Don't @ Me, Don't Judge Me, F/M, Fix-It, M/M, Steve realizes he's a doofus, Stucky Fistposting (Defrost) 2019, This was incredibly cathartic, Time Travel is hard okay, Very Light Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-07
Updated: 2019-06-07
Packaged: 2020-04-12 01:33:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19121905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SirensInTheDungeon/pseuds/SirensInTheDungeon
Summary: It had been two months since Steve left through a portal and never came home. He had known that Steve was leaving for Peggy, he wasn’t stupid. Seeing the aged Steve sitting on the park bench had ripped what he had managed to rebuild of his heart out.





	He was home

 

_Lately I’ve been laying lonely, Love_

_Longing to be dreaming of_

_Only you who can calm the thunders_

_Only you who can steal the colors, oh_

_It’s only you, my love_

            It had been two months since Steve left through a portal and never came home. He had known that Steve was leaving for Peggy, he wasn’t stupid. Seeing the aged Steve sitting on the park bench had ripped what he had managed to rebuild of his heart out. He was angry, jealous, and broken without him. It was like his world had been plunged into a dull world of sepia tones and meaningless days. He respected Peggy; he would even say he loved her if he was asked but he longed for Steve back. He wanted to fight alongside him, to grow old with him in a time where they could. A time where it was accepted. For the past two months he had tried to rebuild his life but everywhere he turned he was reminded that he had been abandoned. A blue shirt balled up on the floor of their shared apartment’s bathroom floor. A single sock lost under the couch. A painting of himself reading a book which had been done by Steve during one of their many sleepless nights. Nightmares still plagued both of them. If Sam asked when he had last slept, he would lie. The truth was it had been days of being awake before finally crashing. It was impossible to sleep knowing the love of his life was never coming back. He hated his heart for his naivety, yet it still longed for the life he had dreamed of. A life he had dreamed of since the first time he had met Steve Rogers.

            Sam knew, he knew how much he was hurting. How he was betrayed and pushed aside as though he was nothing. As though two wars had not been started to keep him safe or get him back. It was clear on the dark purple bruises under his blood shot eyes. It was written in the piles of take out containers that sat beside the trash, never in it just beside it. The end of the line had clearly come and gone without him noticing. Now he had to learn how to live with the reminder that his longing meant nothing. Steve had tried to get him to visit so he could tell him of his life with Peggy, a life without him. The request had ended with tears from the aged man when it was denied. Steve had known then; known how much he was hurting. He had also known that he was the one who caused the hurt. The apology had been genuine but at that point it was too late.

            He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment he had fallen in love with Steven Grant Rogers. Whether it had been the first time they had met or the first time he finished a fight for him. It could have even been the first time Steve fell ill and almost died. It had been long enough to qualify as forever. Not a day passed that he didn’t long for Steve. The Steve he loved not the one that existed now. Not the aged Steve who had left him. Despite how angry he felt he couldn’t hold it against Peggy, she had deserved happiness in her life. She had deserved love, it had just been his love she had stolen from him. These were the thoughts that passed through his mind as he set a bouquet of flowers on her grave. He would never understand why Steve would go back to derail the life she had and needed to make peace with that. It was time to accept that he was never going to get that. He was resigned to spend his life longing for a love that would never be.

            “Buck?” The voice was Steve’s, _his_ Steve’s. His mind had truly conjured up a convincing memory. It almost sounded as if he was there behind him, as though it was coming from somewhere outside of his own mind. The hand that touched his shoulder was a warm familiar weight as it turned him. There he was, Steve, young, beautiful _Steve._

            “ _Steve_ ” The name sounded like a prayer as he spoke it. He could feel his heart hammering away in his chest as he tried to make sense of the world. It wasn’t until he was fully enveloped in those strong arms that he realized that he had started crying. “You were gone Stevie, you left me for Peggy. I had just gotten back and you _left_.”

“I’m so sorry Buck, if I had known I never would have left you. I never woulda hurt you like this.” Steve’s hands felt right as they cradled his jaw, thumbs lightly brushing over his days old stubble. Steve had lived five years never thinking he would get Bucky back, he had barely lived two months without Steve and he was already a mess. “I never shoulda left you, I promised the end of the line.”

            Suddenly his entire world burst back into full technicolour as Steve’s lips touched his for the first time. This is what he had been _made_ to do. He had been made to love Steve Rogers. A soft contended sigh escaped Steve when he responded to the kiss with enthusiasm. He never wanted this moment to end, he never wanted this to stop. With great reluctance he broke the kiss and looked at Steve. “How did you get here?”

            “I tried Buck, all those years I had tried to be happy. I loved Peg, I really did but I always felt like something was missin’ like maybe I had made a mistake. After that day when you told me that you wouldn’t come see me I finally realized. You were what I was lookin’ for pal, I wasn’t lookin’ for a wife and kids. I was lookin’ for you. So I got Doctor Banner to push time through me and make me young again.” Steve pressed their foreheads together. He had missed those blue eyes and impossibly long eyelashes. He had missed feeling complete. “I’m never gonna leave you again pal, you’re my best guy.”

            “I’m sure you say that to all the guys that pine after you.” He couldn’t fight the smile that spread across his face as Steve laughed. It was such a beautiful sound to hear after the last two months he’s had to live without him. He would never understand what he had done to deserve this but he would also never question it. He had no reason to long for the love of his life anymore. All that mattered was the feel of Steve’s fingers tangled with is as they turned away from Peggy’s grave and walked back to his car. His days of longing were finally over.

_Like a river flows_ __  
Surely to the sea __  
Darling, so it goes  
Some things are meant to be  
Take my hand, take my whole life, too  
For I can't help falling in love with you

 

**Author's Note:**

> The song at the beginning of the fic is Slumber by Lewis Watson Feat. Lucy Rose. The song at the end is I can't help falling in love with you by Elvis Presley/ Covered by a million other artists.
> 
> I never claimed to be an English major nor did I claim to be good at this. I'm a social worker dammit.


End file.
